To Grandmother's House We Go

Spring has brought an influx of home buyers. Today we had an open house from 1-4, but also had a showing 1230-130 and 430-530. So we decided to take the boys to my Grandma's Condo. I can't remember exactly the last time I'd been there, but it was sometime in high school. It was really weird to go back with my children. One of our favorite things to do growing up was to go swim at the complex's indoor pool. I was so excited to share that with my kids. Tobin, fearless as ever, tried to jump right into the pool. He had a blast. Hunter was always so nervous, Tobin is nothing like that. He would have swam off on his own if he could have. Hunter had fun too, since he is now in swim lessons, and is no longer required to have floaties on.

As I was changing back into my clothes I looked into the mirror, and tried to "flashback" to my childhood. I have issues with longing for my past, so I am constantly trying to remember things as if it were happening again. For some reason I just couldn't picture my 12 year old self looking at herself in that mirror. Then it hit me. When I was 12, I didn't care about looking in the mirror, I was too busy trying to hurry up and move on to the next thing. 12 year old Leah didn't care that her breasts weren't big enough, and her thighs were too big. She just wanted to run and play. I wish I could call that back to my mind. I wish that every little detail of my life becomes this huge weight to the point where it is hard to get off the couch. Why as we get older, does everything become a bigger deal? Why can we no longer just let things go, or concentrate on the next fun thing we get to do? As children we can not wait to grow up, because adults can do whatever they want. Although, there is a certain level of responsibility, especially as a parent; why, as adults, are we not doing whatever we want? Why are we letting down our child self. If our inner child could see how we were living, would we be jealous, or disappointed? Right now, my inner child would be disappointed. It is said quite often, but we really could learn a lot from our children.

I wish I had swimming pictures, but our camera is broken. Hopefully we get a new one soon, because Tobin is changing so much every day, and Hunter is looking more and more like a big kid every time I blink.

Hero's quest

I went to my Advanced Storyboarding class for the first time tonight. I don't know why the instructors think it's a good idea to review the entire syllabus in a five minute period of time. I walked into this degree program thinking that I was smart, creative, and driven enough to make it through. In five minutes, my entire confident way of thinking went right out the window. I started to panic. There is no way I can do this, I am not smart or talented enough.

As I was working my way into a frenzy, the teacher started to discuss the Hero's quest. For those of you who may not be familiar with writing, that is the basis of any story. Nearly every single story ever written follows a certain structure (sometimes very loosely) In any case, one aspect of the hero's quest is that before they embark on their journey, they initially refuse. They feel they do not have what it takes to succeed. That's when it clicked. I am on a hero's quest. Of course I have no idea what I am doing, that's why I'm going to school. No "hero" sets out on their quest fully equipped and able to conquer right off the bat.

I know it will take a lot of time, and effort, but I am ready. I love going to class, I love the thought that in twelve weeks I will have made my own commercial/music video/script. I get excited on school days, counting down the hours til class starts. This is new to me. I have never wanted to go to school. If I get this happy about my classes, I can only imagine how thrilled I will be when I am actually working in the field. I am ready to accept my quest!

There's no place like home

Instead of droning on and on about how busy I've been, and trying to catch up on my blogging, I am going to just jump right in.

My house has been on the market for a year now. One year. There is nothing wrong with my house. Not one single thing we could fix to make it better. We did replace the carpet. That was all we could think of to do. It really is just sitting on the market for some unknown reason. I spent the past few months consumed with overwhelming anxiety of feeling trapped, doomed, and just in general, universally hated. Then I got desperate and started researching online how to increase your luck. Yes, I seriously did this, like I said, at this point I am desperate. Well, most everything online says to think positive. Rid yourself of all negative thoughts, and good things will happen. So I am trying. I really am trying. Every night I tell myself that the next day we will receive an offer. One night I will be right. Until then I try to count my blessings (which really are a lot), love my kids, and work on my degree. Sigh.

This is our house in Oklahoma.
This is our current favorite in Minnesota.